As great as sex is, it is in fact the place where a lot of people feel most vulnerable… We all have our sexual tales of woe that we would sooner take to the grave than tell the world… But some brave, or stupid, people out there have decided to share their unfortunate sexual encounters and, believe us when we say, they are extremely unfortunate.
1) Mistaking Super Glue for Lube
Of course we all saw the famous scene in American Pie 2 where Jim utters the words “I kind of super-glued myself to…uh…myself,” and I am sure we are all aware of that over repeated phrase, “Life ain’t like the movies,” but, unfortunately, in this case it is! In fact, there are numerous accounts of people turning up to the emergency room in somewhat of a ‘Sticky situation’. Private’s advice, stick to the spermicidal stuff and leave the adhesives in the garage.
2) Trouble in the Glory Hole
Possibly one of the most tragically horrific sexual stories out there… Whether true or an urban legend it will send shivers up your spine so I will keep it short and avoid the gory details… After two men used a glory hole, they came out of the toilet to exchange some casual pleasantries only to realize that they were staring at an all too familiar face, Father and Son suffering a sever case of Cock Shock! You can only imagine how awkward the next Christmas dinner would have been.
3) Back Breaking Sex!
We all like it rough sometimes but we should know where to draw the line… right? For an unfortunate individual, who will remain nameless, back breaking sex got a whole new meaning when, during what can only be described as some ‘serious doggie action’, they fractured their tail-bone! Not quite domestic abuse but it is in the ball park so maybe try setting a safe word to keep all your bones safe while fornicating.
4) Changing Room Sex
Ahh the joys of working in retail: folding jumpers, working the till and… what? Is that a noise coming from the changing room?! Public fucking can be exciting, what with the thrill of being caught, but actually getting caught is not so much fun. The walk of shame out of the shop with your jeans round your ankles and a flush red face will not only earn you a lifelong ban but a lifelong memory of embarrassment!
5) Missionary Belching
Staring into each other’s eyes truly making sweet love when that big old big mac you had as a pre dinner snack comes bubbling up out of your gut flowing out of your once tender open mouth and wafting straight in her face. Unless she has some strange belching fetish, the chances are she is not going to be too impressed and that vagina will likely dry up quicker than the Sahara desert. We will never know what women truly want, but we can take a guess that a belch to the face is something they definitely don’t want… Process of elimination guys, we will get there one day.